The Struggle. IS. REAL.

Have you ever taken a ride on the struggle bus of comparison? Or been so hard on yourself that you end up disappointed and throwing the world's largest, but least attended pity party? You're in great company."You are your own worst critic" couldn't be more true for me. I wish I wasn't a part of this category, but I might be vice prez. I'm hard on myself and often seem to fall short of meeting my own crazy expectations. Reality is...I'm a girl, I'm sensitive, I'm a little over dramatic, I'm hard on myself and I cry, sometimes about silly things. I run Allie Harrington Photography or I could say "we" and throw in my incredible husband. "We" is nothing huge or lovely...it's just us, hustlin'. In the midst of chasing these crazy unattainable standards I slowly get funneled through comparing myself, my situation and my successes with others. NOT a good path to skip down. I expect the best out of myself so when a shoot takes a wrong turn, when the lighting is totally off, when the weather turns sour, when the kids have breakdowns and I don't get the shots I want.I.STRUGGLE.In the slow season when the inquiries are fewer or non existent and I wonder if I should leave this dream behind. I STRUGGLE.During the cold months I dig deep, I dream of shoots and publications that I have yet to be noticed by. I. STRUGGLE.When I see the success of so and so and I hope to be like that person and "make it", but am not there at all. I STRUGGLE.Will I ever arrive? What defines success for me? Will I ever see myself as successful? Am I enough?This is the place of wrestling that I CANNOT camp out at. It's discouraging, its deceiving, its deflating and ultimately has zero positive results. I must come to settle that who I am, the success of my business, the amount of followers (or lack there of)I have, how many likes I get, the publications that reject my work...DO NOT DEFINE ME and it's a battle. Comparison is a beast and a thief of joy and stunts the journey we should be embracing, bumps and all. It makes me rethink, sulk and melt into a puddle of self pity. It's hard when you're an extreme people watcher and follower and you see the successes of so many even if you love rejoicing with them, every once and awhile it turns back to...man I haven't done that yet...I hope I get there. Yeah, I know I sound like I'm in middle school and it's immature and riduciouls at times, but I'm willing to recognize that about myself and work through it. I know that ultimately there is a balance for me. That balance is actually just confidence in knowing who I am, where my identity comes from and where my worth is found. Ultimately for me, I am loved by a good, good Father, who is God. I am of value and cared for by Him, and that has to be enough. I must focus on what I have been given, ask how I am supposed to use my gifts and skills to give joy, to go forth with intense love for others and what I do.I'll admit it, I want people to love my work, I DO want to stand apart and stand out. I DO want to bless the socks off of every person I get to shoot. I DO want to stay confident yet humble (thanks to Yan Palmers advice). I DO want to enjoy the moment. I DO want to ride the dickens out of the ups and downs of being a creative. I DO want to push forth with full belief that I am wired with this passion to share the beauty of such incredible stories with the world. I DO want to take pictures of your family, your engagement, your wedding and beyond (call me).I DON'T want to get lost in search of success or making a name for myself. I know ultimately that will end up empty and unsatisfying for me.I DON'T want to believe silly lies and be robbed of all my joy by comparing myself.I DON'T want to chase the wind and by the end of my life feel like I missed out on the things that actually matter.Clearly I'm not a great writer, but it was the best getting to share this with you. Thanks for letting me be real in this space, even if you didn't have a choice.Cheers to looking up, to believing your life matters, to knowing you are loved and valued, to charging forth towards your dreams even if you fail, to seeking truth, and to being confident with the exact cool/quirky/ personality and giftings that God has designed in you.Let's get off that struggle bus of comparison already and really live.Much love ,Allie